Week 2 Post

Prompt 1: What do you dream about?

My dreams can definitely vary. Some good, some bad. It is always easier to remember your bad dreams over the happy ones. Sometimes I just have neutral dreams as well. For example, I will dream I am at work doing the same thing over and over again; those dreams are no fun when you always work! I have day dreams as well :) They usually consist of money and power, like most I am sure.

I have had so many terrible dreams though. One night I dreamt I was running through a house and I was running from a man with a needle. It was one of those dreams where you are still somewhat conscious, so you are doing everything you can to die and wake up. I tried jumping out of the building, among other things. Well no matter what I couldnt die, it wasn't until the man finally caught me and stuck me with the needle that I awoke.
Another scary dream I had when I was a about 13 or 14 took place in the same bedroom I was sleeping in. I saw a man trying to come through my window so I tried to hurry and lock it but it was too late, and while I was at the window he had grabbed ahold of me making his way through. As I was trying to push him out he was stabbing me in the leg. I just remember pushing and pushing and it just hurt more and more. Why I pushed and didnt try to pull away I dont know...
Come to think about it, I had another dream where I was walking in the dark and somebody stabbed me in the stomach, except in this dream I didn't feel pain, I could only see.
I have dreamt of getting in car accidents and I have dreamt that I was watching myself drown, but in most of my dreams I am running. Running from a man.

Prompt 2: Jealousy

I had always been a jealous child. It lead me to steal and do some bad things. It all started when I was about six years old. I always felt that my momom cared about my cousins more than me, and it made me very jealous. I was a very sensitive child and I pretty much took everything personal. Well my cousins would come to my house with their cool clothes and their Lisa Frank stickers and I got fed up with it, so I took the stickers when no one was looking and threw them away. Once I started I couldnt stop. I would steal their stuffed animals, their barbies, and I was always taking more stickers. Finally the breaking point was when I stole something very special from someone else, that  I love so much. It lead that person to cry, I stole something that meant so much to them, it was an icon of their life, it was the only thing they had left to remember their love. After seeing this my month of stealing came to an end, and so did my ability to become jealous.

Week 1 Posts

Prompt 1: Have you ever made somebody cry?
I believe that each person out there has somehow made somebody cry, whether they made someone cry tears of pain or tears of joy. Personally, I hate to say that I have made many people cry; including my exboyfriends and myself.

I don't know what it is that makes my relationships not work. Maybe I am just too young, maybe I am too naive, or maybe I am just not meant to be with anybody at the moment. My heart is always open which leads it to become viciously attacked. Most of my boyfriends see that I go into a relationship whole hearted and devoted. I like being devoted to somebody, it lets me know that I am making another person happy; possibly someday a special person I will love. Most men see this vulnerability and they figure I will be here for them no matter what. Well what they don't realize is I am a caring person, not stupid. I always end up getting cheated on or lied to, either that or I get a boyfriend who is possessive and obsessed. Either way, they mess up and then realize that they really screwed up. Once they have come back to their senses they want me back, and no matter how much I wish I could just take them back and act like nothing ever happened, I won’t. This leads to tears from the opposite sex. Hopefully I'll be able to find someone who can be as devoted of a person as I am some day.


Prompt 2: Scariest Experience
 I have had my share of scary experiences. Whether it was at age 14 when I realized there were footprints in the bushes right in front of my window, when I was "mudding" in Pennsylvania and my friend almost flipped his Wrangler down a hill with me in it, finding out that my grandmother had Cancer, being forced down and threatened by my exboyfriend, or maybe even from a nightmare I used to have. They are all scary to me, but my most recent experience happened yesterday.

I was headed to my friend's house for breakfast while it was lightly misting outside. I went around a bend on the road only minutes from my neighborhood and I spun out of control. While I was spinning all I could think about was how helpless and at mercy I was. I ended up sliding into a ditch and my side of the car slammed against some trees and shrubbery. It was so terrifying to me, even though I managed to only bump my shoulder.

Prompt 3: I regret....
 I have learned not to be so naive and trusting in strangers. I have learned that you can't change someone for the better, they have to change their selves. You can give them the tools for a better change, but that is it.

I spent a year trying to show him how I view love. I tried to show him what made me happy, and how to balance our happiness together.

But no matter how hard you try you cannot really show anyone anything. You can put it in front of their face, but they can just look right through it. You can act emotional to someone, but only that person can choose which way to take it.

I have learned not to spend all of my time with just one person, hoping something will bud and become beautiful. I have learned to only spend my money on me. I have learned that something beautiful can be taken away in the flick of a switch.

And I have learned that life goes on.

With or without him.

A few love poems I wrote...

GOOD NIGHT TO YOU
Your beauty pours all over me
Leaving me warped with no words to speak
I gaze as your grace falls onto the earth
Making it stunning and full of existence

The lust flickers inside your eyes
As you stare into mine
Our admiration is like a fire…
Yearning to become more and more…
Strong and content
Pleading to stay with us eternally and evermore

Together we are unbreakable
Unmistakable
Your allure carries you everywhere you go
Leaving me left in your shadow
But inside your silhouette I feel so cherished
My whole world could vanish in front of me
Yet I wouldn’t detect a thing

Staring at your soft brown hair… your flushed azure eyes
You put me in a trance
And leave me to be in awe of your integrity
Your decency, your civility to be with me
That’s right; you are with me
And if only you could see how that makes me feel

You are a rose
Wilted and weak
Sturdy and sheik
You are an ocean
Poised and mysterious
Deep inside yourself, your mind

You are the sun
Blinding anyone who comes in site
You are a star
Vivid and fiery
Colorful and brilliant

Your smile glows like the midnight moon
While all the stars shine down at you
Don't tell me to leave yet, it's too soon
I never want to say goodnight to you.


I NEED IT
One touch
One breath
I can’t get enough
I need more…

You make my belly butterfly
While you hold me in your arms
I just close my eyes and plead for more
While you chase away all my harms

Feeling your heart beat in my hand
Makes me feel so alive
Feeling your hand placed in mine
I need you to survive

I want to be you breath
Your Earth, your sun, your air
My heart has been in theft
And I don’t even care

Breathe on me
Dance with me
Laugh with me
Cry with me
Feel for me
Feel on me
It’s only meant to be

I need it… I need you


ROSE
So delicate
Like the feeling of a young ones memory
So tranquil
Like the birth of a breathtaking waterfall
So vibrant
Like the verge of existence to all humanity
So captivating
Like the essence of the alluring Garden of Eve
This is you
That you are
The rose

Vanishing

(So I have decided to update a few poems I had written when I was still in highschool. I don't write as much as I used to, but I am so excited to get back into it again.)

Tears don’t mend the pain
Love doesn’t help the heart
It all just stays the same
It all just falls apart

No one believes her cries
They perceive right past her eyes
Scratching at her wall
Her reflection begins to fall

She sits in wonder as she stares at the glass
Her skin so tender
The effect so fast

But who is there to save her?
Who will save her soul?
No one’s there to save her
She’s all alone…
…she is fading away…
She is all alone.